LOL: Metroid Version
by Ceu Praca
Summary: I got this idea from a friend who did something similar on this site. Only hers was a Legend of Zelda version. This highlights the funniest scenes from the Metroid games in a series of oneshots. Technically completed, but new oneshots may appear randomly, eventually.
1. Offending Rock

As always, this story is dedicated to God Almighty, who invented the wonderful concept of humor. And also dedicated to TheMoonclaw, who gave me the inspiration to start a new genre of LOL oneshots. May you always be filled with joy and laughter, and may StarClan be with you! :-) Everything recognizable belongs to Retro Studios. So all credit for Samus, and Adam, and the rest belongs to them. Have fun reading!

* * *

_**Offending Rock**_

Samus smiled grimly as she fired the last shot at Thardus, then realized that it was about to crush her. She turned and ran as the gigantic, stone beastie began crumbling into a heap, and she paused as soon as she was out of range. Then something small pinged off of the back of her helmet, and she looked behind her at the offending rock that lay serenely on the ground. "Hey!" She reached up and touched her helmet, annoyed, then aimed her arm cannon at the rock and charged a Super Missile, blasting it out of existence. "Stupid rock…"


	2. Wait!

_**Wait!**_

"She's coming to," a female voice said. Samus blinked her eyes open slowly to see a scanning device above her, then some creepy doctor in a greenish-blue bodysuit came and shoved her hand in the huntress' face. She said something about my vital signs being stable, then told Samus that she had been infected with powerful Phazon and that the Federation had integrated a PED into her armor _without her permission_.

That ticked her off enough, but it became even worse when the doctor told her that the Aurora Unit wanted to see her immediately. As soon as Samus stood up, she glared at the doctor. "Wait!"

The woman looked at her. "Excuse me?"

"Listen, lady, I've been in a coma for a full month. There is no way that you people are sending me off on another mission so soon! Haven't you guys considered that I might be hungry, or need to use the bathroom? That it could be possible that I may need a week off from doing epic galactic savior work? Im not some robot that can do everything without a single break!" The doctor stared at the angry bounty hunter, dumbfounded. Samus stood with her feet apart, practically ready to shoot the darned woman as she continued her furious tirade. "I refuse to fly off and save the whole darn galaxy _again_ when I've just woken up from being comatose! Go ahead and call me selfish, but I've used up almost all of my entire _life_ saving the Federation's hide! You can tell the Aurora Unit that I'm not going anywhere for at least a week!"

With that, Samus whirled around and stalked out of the medical bay, in search of a good meal and a hot shower.

* * *

I was playing this game one morning, and my sister was watching me. When we reached this part, she suddenly said, "She just woke up from a month-long come, and they're sending her off to save the galaxy? What if she needs food, or a shower, or a bathroom break? Come on!" And so, this section was born. XD


	3. Too Close

_**Too Close**_

Samus charged through the corridor on Norion, anxious to reach the generator to repair it and fix the laser-beam-thingie that would destroy the meteor that the Pirates had launched at the planet. There was a blast shield on the door up ahead, and she aimed her fist at it and shot out a Lasso Beam, latching on, then she jerked her hand to tear it off. It did so, flying straight at her and hitting her visor.

She grunted, feeling a splitting pain echoing through her skull.

"Stupid door," she muttered as she continued down the hallways. _Mental note to self: never stand too close to something when you rip it with a Lasso Beam._

* * *

Yes, this can really happen. If you're standing too close to something when you use your Grapple Lasso on it, it will jerk it into your visor and damage you slightly. I can't even begin to tel you how many time's I've accidentally done this.


	4. Stylish

_**Stylish**_

Samus ran along the wide bridge in SkyTown, then groaned as a group of Steambots rose up from the ground, along with a particularly annoying Steamlord to command them. She really didn't want to have to fight those things again, especially not while on a rickety, unstable bridge. Then an idea sparked in her mind as she saw a gate up ahead, which was the only thing holding the bridge up.

She broke into a run again, literally diving past the robots and yanking the gate away with the Grapple Lasso. As hoped, there was a loud rumble, then the bridge fell away, taking the robots with it.

Samus kept walking, proud of herself for killing off seven enemies in a very stylish manner. She would award herself with a gray credit for something so awesome, and then she would be sure to tell Fleet Admiral Dane about her epic defeat of the enemy.

* * *

Again, this chapter was brought to life by my sister. She thought it was so hilarious how you can get a gray credit for making a stylish kill, and then Samus walks off like she's so proud of herself. And so...you know the rest. ;)


	5. Rule 1

_**Rule #1**_

"_Ship status alert: hostile life form approaching-…_"

Samus groaned, speeding up and veering towards where she had landed her gunship. She charged down the ramp and out onto the landing pad, seeing, to her utter shock, the massive bounty hunter known as Ghor standing on top of her beloved spaceship, pounding away at it like a toddler throwing a tantrum. _No, no, NO! Ghor, I'm gonna dismantle you and sell you for scrap!_

The gigantic cyborg noticed her and turned. "Just in time." He whacked the ship one more time before jumping down. "Catch!"

He picked up her gunship and threw it at her; Samus dodged to one side, watching in disbelief as her ship smashed into the wall. She quickly typed out a command and sent her ship away as Ghor taunted her and said some nonsense about everything, including her, becoming corrupted with Phazon. _Not on your life._

The huge machine stood there, obviously about to attack. Samus stared at him, then chuckled, shaking her head. The cyborg seemed confused, and she kept chuckling as she spoke. "Ghor, Ghor, you are such an idiot. Have you forgotten the bounty hunting rule number one?" Her gaze hardened as she charged a Power Beam. "NEVER MESS WITH A BOUNTY HUNTER'S SHIP!"

* * *

Ghor is an idiot for messing with Samus Aran's gunship. Enough said. I always obliterated him immediately because he dared to touch my beloved spacecraft. And yes, it is true, all bounty hunters DO follow a list of rules. Rule #1 you have just learned.


	6. Messed Up

_**Messed-Up**_

Samus breathed a sigh of relief as she sat down in the pilot's chair of her gunship. It was another job well done, and now Aether was saved from the Ing. _It's no wonder they lost, when they chose a suffix as a name._ She relaxed, then her leg suddenly spasmed and jolted. "Lady, is there a problem?" Adam asked.

She stared at her leg, then her arm suddenly twitched and did the same thing. "Ah!" Her left eyelid also began twitching.

"Samus, what's wrong?"

"Shut up, Adam!" she screamed at the computer as her other arm began jerking.

"Hmm…it seems as though you are suffering from spasmodic nerve syndrome. What were you doing recently, Lady?"

"Warping back and forth between light and dark dimensions over a gazillion times. All that being broken up into particles and being shot into another world over and over again must have messed with my system a bit. I'll see if I can heal myself-…" her hand jerked and banged against a panel. "Ow!"

* * *

I was playing Echoes recently, and my sister just made a random comment: "You know,when you consider how many times Samus has been disintigrated into tiny particles and shot into another dimension, it's a wonder how she's still normal. You'd think she would've developed a spastic nerve syndrome, or something." And so, I wrote this for her. :D


	7. It's Always The Eye

_**It's Always The Eye**_

The huge swarm of purple beetles began collecting into a huge mass as all of the soldiers began cocking their weapons at it. Samus noticed Lyle screaming his head off, and she realized with a laugh that he must have a huge fear of bugs. Still, this this was huge, and she wasn't sure how to destroy a giant mass of purple bugs.

They kept gathering, forming upward into a towering beast with long arms, a suction base, and a huge head, as well as…a bright, yellow target that glared at her. Samus stared in shock, then burst into laughter.

Adam Malkovitch glared at her. "What's so funny?"

"It's always the eye," she said as she shook with laughter, firing a charged shot into the thing's huge eye.

* * *

A tribute to a recurring theme in every Nintendo game. It _is_ always the eye. Legend of Zelda, Metroid, Mario, it's ALWAYS the eye. And I also put in the part about Lyle being terrifed of bugs, because it's true.


	8. Impressive

_**Impressive**_

Samus watched amusedly as Lyle Smithsonian tried yet again to blow up the door. Adam Malkovitch seemed irritated by her presence, but she didn't care as Lyle studied the door, sounding annoyed. "No dice. Looks like we're going to have to use the lasers to slowly burn our way through." He sighed. "This could take a while."

It was good to see Anthony Higgs again, and the massive African man grinned at her as he told her that they couldn't open the door, and that they needed a concentrated burst of fire.

Samus smiled back, then aimed her arm cannon at the door and fired a missile. The blast door exploded into nothing, and Lyle stared at her, wide-eyed. "Impressive," she heard the man mutter softly.

_So you think you don't need me, Adam? If I hadn't been here, you guys would've been stuck until the sun exploded._

* * *

I'm sure everyone has noticed how funny this scene is before, put I couldn't resist putting it in there. And Adam always looks like he's about to yell at her for firing a missile without his permission.


	9. Deacon Received

_**Deacon Received**_

Samus gazed at the massive generator that supplied power to the shield that protected the Bryyonian Leviathan Seed. She began typing on the panel in her arm cannon, commanding her ship to come and blow up the generator with a few missiles.

"_Deacon received_," said the electronic, female voice.

Samus stared at her arm cannon in shock, then watched as the trident-shaped gunship flew hard and fast, launching about five missiles and obliterating the generator. "_Deacon_?" she repeated incredulously. _Mental note to self: reprogram the ship's computer._

* * *

Has anyone else noticed how Samus' gunship computer pronounces the word 'beacon' and makes it sound like it's saying 'deacon?' I sure have. Mayeb it's just my sister and I, but that gunship always says 'deacon' instead of 'beacon.'


	10. Overkill

_**Overkill**_

It was raining. As usual. In fact, it hadn't stopped raining since Samus first landed on Tallon IV. She was fuming with anger at how the explosion had taken most of her suit's abilities, and now was stalking through the overgrown swamp/forest land in search of something to replace her missing powers. Suddenly, she tripped and fell into a river, landing solidly on top of a Blastcap. It exploded, sending noxious fumes into the air around her.

Samus gasped and backed off, coughing as she tried to breath again. She glared at the field of Blastcaps, then aimed her arm cannon and began shooting them. Mushroom after mushroom exploded as she kept on destroying them, then she turned and began killing a nearby herd of Geemers. Then she aimed upwards and shot at a nest of Shriekbats. She kept on shooting until there was nothing left alive in the canyon except for her.

Samus smirked slightly, then walked on, shooting a Sap Sac for good measure. Adam patched through to her comm system. "Lady, why did I just detect a huge surge of energy?"

"I just killed everything in Tallon Canyon."

She could've sworn she heard the computer sigh out the word "Overkill." Impossible, though, considering that he was a computer, and as such, wouldn't be worried about the planet's local fauna.

* * *

This is just a funny scene that could have easily happened in Metroid Prime. Just a tribute to the sheer randomness of my thought patterns.


	11. Make Me!

_**Make Me!**_

Samus stood in the exact center of the holographic training room, glaring at the geeky, creepy-looking Federation scientist. He was watching her through a window, then spoke. "Alright, fire off a couple of Charge Beam Shots for me, will you?" _I swear, this guy is just some nerdy fan trying to find out what I can do._ She remained motionless, then charged up her Power Beam and aimed it at the window, shooting. He yelped and dove underneath his console as the shot ricocheted of off the glass. "What was that for?" he yelled at her as he stood back up.

"You asked me to fire a Charge Beam," she pointed out. "I did."

"At the targets, not me!"

She sighed. "Fine."

"Let's just move on, shall we? Go into Morph Ball Mode and lay a couple of bombs." She heaved another sigh, then compacted herself into Morph Ball Mode and set off three bombs in rapid succession. "Okay, get out of Morph Ball Mode." Samus remained in her ball form, rolling about and setting off bombs just to tick him off. "Come on! Get out of Morph Ball Mode!"

_Make me!_ Samus continued rolling about, setting off bombs and grinning happily as she enraged the stupid scientist.

* * *

The scientist in the beginning of Metroid: Other M always bugged me. Samus is the most powerful bounty hunter alive, and he's ordering her around, commanding her to do all sorts of stuff. So, I created this scene.


	12. Aurora Unit 242

_**Aurora Unit 242**_

Samus groaned as the panels in her ship went dark and a hologram of the Aurora Unit materialized in front of her. Unit 242 was really getting on her nerves by now. It said some nonsense about her needing to make her way to Elysia and find out what happened to Ghor, then, predictably, ended the briefing session with "Good luck, Samus."

"Luck ain't got nothin' to do with it," the bounty hunter muttered, glaring at the console. "I really hate computers…"

"That sounds a bit grim, Lady," Adam said.

"Shut up, Adam!"

"I'm just saying-"

"Don't tempt me into dismantling you…" she threatened, then sighed. "Point being, I really, really hate Aurora Unit Two-Four-Two. Understood? From now on, block all communications from it."

The computer seemed to sympathize, but, sadly, wasn't helpful. "That is impossible, Samus. It has advanced programming beyond my capabilities to block"

She shrieked in dismay. "I'll never be rid of the stupid thing!"

* * *

Like the postman in the Legend of Zelda, the Aurora Unit always bugged me. And it is ALWAYS saying the words 'good luck' to Samus. I hate the Aurora Unit, and I would definitely kill 242 if I was able to.


	13. Oooh

_**Oooh…**_

Samus went into Morph Ball Mode and entered the cannon, shooting across the chasm and landing on the Spire. She unfolded herself, then stared in shock when she saw a very familiar armorsuit up ahead. Ghor's battle armor, in fact. She tensed and looked around to make sure that the cyborg was nowhere in sight, then walked up to it. It was expanded and empty, completely unprotected.

A smile spread slowly across her face. "Oooh…" She deactivated her own armor and leapt up onto the battle armor, installing herself in the seat and sealing herself into it. Once inside, it was as easy to use as her own Varia Suit. The huntress grinned mischievously, then spent the next couple of hours jumping around, playing and having fun with the other bounty hunter's armor.

After a while, she grew bored, so she jumped back out of it, activated her Varia Suit, and fired a couple of Super Missiles into the thing's central power core. She ran out of range just as the armor exploded. There was nothing left but shrapnel and scorch marks. Samus chuckled evilly, surveying her work in satisfaction.

==O==O==O==O==O==

An few hours later, and Samus was done with what she had been doing, so she began going back to where she had been. Then her ship's computer patched into her comm system. "_Ship status alert: there is a mild disturbance outside. Hull integrity: stable. Shield energy level at: 100%._"

Samus grunted, slightly confused, but began walking to the landing pad where she had parked her ship. Soon, she reached it, where she beheld the sight of her ship, sealed tightly and sitting peacefully on the landing pad. But there was a scrawny-looking cyborg standing outside, kicking at the one landing strut.

She stared, then burst into laughter as Ghor continued kicking her ship in frustration. "You're so stupid!" she gasped out, still laughing.

The cyborg turned to her, his eyes glowing bright red. "You! You destroyed my battle suit! I was going to beat up your ship!"

She shook her head, walking towards him. "That's what you get for leaving something important alone, unguarded, and easily accessible." She aimed her cannon at his head. "Now, you will be coming with me back to the Galactic Federation, and we'll see about detoxing you from the Phazon corruption."

* * *

This is an alternate scene of what could have happened instead of the Rule #1 scene. Again, credit for this idea belongs to my sister, who is my main inspiration. :D


	14. Seriously?

_**Seriously?**_

Samus stared in disbelief as a swarm of War Wasps came out from the machine, zipping all aorund her and occasionally dive-bombing. "I have to fight _insects_?" she exclaimed in shock. "And here I thought I would have to fight Space Pirates or something more deadly!" With that, she destroyed them all and moved on, claiming a missile launcher among other things..

==O==O==O==O==O==

A while later, Samus entered a circular room with a tall machine in the center of it. It began spraying fire, and then a horde of Warp Wasps flooded out from a hive on the ceiling. "Seriously? Insects _again_?" After she had killed them all, destroyed the fire-machine, and acquired the Morph Ball Bomb, the huntress groaned. "I need a new job…"


	15. Weed

_**Weed**_

Samus gazed up at the gigantic plant in disbelief. "I have to fight a _plant_?" she screeched. "This is even worse than the wasps!" _Mental note to self: reprogram Varia Suit to dispense weed-killer._


End file.
